I've had one of those weekends where i end up feeling like the happy little island I usually live on with my little house and favourite people has more or less fallen apart and now i'm drowning, floundering, clinging on to the couple of things that still float (Jack and jack, a little bit of jet and a little bit of Todd) contemplating swimming for shore but really not sure i want to cause there's a whole scary world there or possible rebuilding my island and my house.

I'm hoping for the latter.

Meanwhile, an unusually lousy weekend ended fittingly enough with a patient dying on me during the night. I've only seen a dead person twice before, not counting the ghostly kind. But I haven't seen one before that stares at you out of dead eyes. Freaked me out a good bit i can tell you, i'll be seeing that for a while. On the upside I'm not dead and neither do i want to be ever after that. Which is good on the one hand and on the other shit scary because it means i have to think about being alive. This is too freaky for me to think about in detail so i'm going to stop now.

I'm sick of crying on people. Just want to live, spin my webs, read my books and be happy.

location: Crow's mood: tired

One day I will update, I promise! Just not today. :-)

location: home mood: chipper

1. Can you cook?
Sort of - I do make the best pies in Lancaster

2. What was your dream growing up?
To be a famous or at least rich writer

3. What talent do you wish you had?
I wish I could sing, or at least hold a tune in a bucket

4. Favorite place?
The local cemetery. But I am excessively fond of Chalice Wells in Glastonbury


5. Favorite vegetable
I'd say tomato but it's really a fruit - maybe green beans


6. What was the last book you read?
Blackberry wine - Joanne Harris

7. What zodiac sign are you ?
Pisces

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
2 ear piercings. seven tattoos- oroborus on upper right arm, Jack's name in Theban runes on right wrist, Harley Quinn diamonds on upper left arm and upper right thigh, bleeding white rose on hip, pentagram on left angle, eye on right foot.

9. Worst Habit?
Excessive worrying

10. Do we know each other outside of lj?
duh. :-)

11. What is your favorite sport?
ummmm....reading?

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
Optimistic in a Puddleglum sort of way

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
I don't like to say on a public forum. ;-)

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Having my heart broken - twice

15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
I see spiders, unreal ones

16. Do you have any pets?
I have four cats

17. Do you know how to do the macarena?
Just the steps....I did it on a table once....

18. What time is it where you are now?
17.23

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
Scary, unless it's joker and that's a very curious definition of cute


20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
Smaller boobs

21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
Crime partner

22. What color eyes do you have?
Hazel

23. Ever been arrested?
No, but a police car chased me out of Kendal once

24. Bottle or Draft?
Neither, i don't drink beer

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
Pay off my bills and debts and go crazy in a bookshop - what he said

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
Bubblegum is really gross, bubblegum I hate the most

27. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?
The Yorkshire House

28. Do you believe in ghosts?
What's the point in believing in something that exists? Belief implies faith and proof denies faith, so if you have proof then belief is unecessary. Again what he said

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
read in the cemetery

30. Do you swear a lot?
Sometimes

31. Biggest pet peeve?
do slugs count as a peeve?


32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
psychotic - or so my shrink says

33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you
umm yeah?

List 15 fictional characters you would have sex with.

Fab Fifteen:
(1) Harley Quinn (or Harleen Quinzel, really not fussed here) B:TAS
(2) Joker, comic version or from the series though I wouldn't kick Heath ledger's out of bed. Absolutely not Jack nicholson or Cesar Romero though
(3) Lestat de Lioncourt - from the books or Tom Cruise
(4) Eleanor Lovett (Preferably Helena BC's version)
(5) Sweeney Todd - Jack Cain's version
(6) Lucifer Box (Mark Gatis "Vesuvius Club"
(7) Runt (Elaine Cassidy in "Disco Pigs")
(8) Gomez Adams (Raul Julia version)
(9) Michel Roux, created by Joanne Harris (Books or film)
(10) Morticia Adams (Carolyn Jones version)
(11) Captain Jack Sparrow (if he washed)
(12) The Goblin King (David bowie in "Labyrinth")
(13) Top Dollar (Michael Wincott in "The Crow")
(14) Gogo Yubari (Chiaki Kuriyama in "Kill Bill 1")
(15) Mitsuko Soma ("Battle Royale" book and film - what can I say I like Japanese schoolgirls)

As usual, feel free to take if you want.

location: Jack's room mood: quixotic music: Flogging Molly

Im having trouble wording things at the moment so Im gonna take a leaf out of Mishs book and post an entry thats a poem instead, albeit not a very good one but heigh ho! It hasnt got a title yet so suggestions welcome.



She's got graveyard dirt on the soles of her feet
She was looking around for a place to sleep
A place she felt safe
A place she could stay
A place where no-one
Ever went away.

She's got graveyard dirt on the soles of her feet
She was looking around for her own winding sheet.
Where the dead were new
Where the worms could thrive
Was the only place
She could feel alive.

Where the sky is high
She can fly away
Won't have to stay here
One more day.
Where the earth is fresh
In tattered dress
She can dig down deep
Find a place to sleep.

Where the soil's been dug
For the newly dead
In that peaceful place
She can rest her head.
Now shes walking around in the rain, in the heat
With that graveyard dirt on the soles of he feet.

location: home mood: apathetic music: "Rent"

After at least two failed attempts i just managed to book us a hotel in cardiff for three nights in July and all I have to say to the world is WOOOT!

That's all, just thought I'd share the woot.

I had my first barveque in two years today and it was shiny! ::)))))

location: Jack's room mood: bouncy

and in many ways I kind of envy them. I almost wish I could be bothered to wear all black and proper goth regalia like i used to so that i didn't get offended when i got had a go at for being goth. And yet. I seem rather at odds with the living at the moment. All I want is to be happy with the couple of people i really love and yet it's sucha  struggle i really wonder why i bother. My being happy or not seems to have no bearing on how other people feel and I can't make people happy myself in which case there's so little point me trying to do anything else or even aiming for this happy thing which won't last anyway and probably isn't the most useful state to be in anyway. If it was then people would appreciate it when i was I figure.Sometimes I just wonder if i dropped off the face of the planet how long would it take people to notice I was gone?

I'm saying sometimes, not for very long and i know that people would miss me and if it wasn't for Mr T especially I'm not sure i'd still eb here ever so many times over. Jack too. I dunno. I just can't be bothered and there isn't any option because in so many ways i really like this funny old life thing. I like warm soft things and flowers and books and playing lick. I like hugs and sewing and ice cream and the fact that I have shiny new music on my phone. All these things are good.

Looking over the balance I figure it is worth it. Because the good things are pretty darn good even if they don't stand up to someone having a go at you at the time, on reflection these things make it better. I guess it's like that first cup of tea on a cold day feeling owen was talking about on Torchwood. It's only small but it's actually worth living for.

Now i'm gonna go watch some Tiny Planets and go to bed and hope i feel better in the morning. :-)

location: home mood: depressed music: Voyage of the Damned Suite

People have been asking me to explain my new tattoos. It's just three diamonds, Harley Quinn style on my upper arm and opposite thigh. It's quite a complicated explanation so i thought I'd try to work it out for anyone who cared.

1. Because my favourite playing card is the three of diamonds and i'd been wanting a playing card related tattoo( this has something to do with "The Solitaire mystery" by Jostein Gaarder. A man washed up on a desert island with only a pack of playing cards finds they take on personalites and eventually kill him. Each card except the joker only speaks one line and when all the lines are put together they make a manifesto which is published in another of his books "Maya". Three of diamonds always said, rather tearfull that "Father and son are looking for the beautiful woman who cannot find herself". Don't ask me why i liked that so much. I just do.) 

2. Because having dressed up as harley Quinn last Halloween I found i really liked the diamond pattern on the outfit and figured i could live with that always. I like what harley represents, the personality and the look and a lot of that covers Mrs Lovett as well, who I wanted to commemorate after String of Pearls and for basically having turned into her for a few months. This connection in my head also ties into a really bad time in my life that sort of ended when i first saw Tim Burton's "Sweeney Todd" and started channelling my inner Lovett. So having the tattoo twice i think addresses the balance between that bad time and the really good time while we were doing "String of pearls". Thet's a bit of a weird complicated explanation and i hope it made sense!

3. To cover the scars.

4. Because they were free!!!!

I got very very excited recently vecause I was told that Tim Burton was directing a stop motion style movie of Neil Gaiman's "Coraline". I could have wet meself for joy, this being a combination I thought would work fantastically as soon as i read it. No no.

What the fellow that told me this meant of course was that The director of "A nightmare before christmas" was directing a film of "Coraline". I can forgive the mistake but of course Tim Burton didn't technically direct nightmare, or at least couldn't put his name to it on account of disney being a cannonfull of cunts. Harry Selick directed Nightmare, just as he did "James and the giant peach" which also has a suspiciously Burtonic look about it. 

While i've seen the trailer and on the whole i do like the lok of it, harry selick is not Tim burton, however hard he tries to be and I'm thinking maybe this whole thing is going to be a big mistake and the whole thing should have been directed by Dave Mckean who was my other option for it. I'm dubious. He seems to be trying to make it lighter to work for the kids when actually it's one of the scariest things i ever read. seriously, i read it on my own one night and had to turn every light in the house on and close all the curtains halfway through. Burton could have done that, so could Dave mckean, maybe even Del Torro. harry selick I'm really not sure of. 

I shall still go see it and hope for greatness, it should be pretty good anyway, but i'd like to have been able to say more. 

Once more with feeling HARRY SELICK IS NOT TIM BURTON!!!!!!


 



 

location: library mood: content music: I have "Him" by Lily allen in my head

But I'm not telling you how old, merely that Mr T said I could still pass for 17 and that's all that really matters. Still, I don't like my age, I think I'll say i'm 21 until anyone starts doubting it.

On the other hand I got the best couple of birthday presents ever: My story from Jack based on a rather "Blink" like idea i was having about those non- moving street statue people, which was far better rendered by Mr J than I could have done it. Also Mr T made me a Todd-vid of my very own and now I can't hear "Tell me where it hurts" without thinking eeeeeeeee! I'll be posting it to Ifyouonlyknew as soon as i can work out how the thing is done.

Meanwhile, Dark side was fun apart from the two hours in the middle where I think I Todded out anting to KILL THE JUDGE! No more rants. :-) Mr T got me a copy of the new Lily Allen, now I have "Fuck you" on the brain and have done all day, not the best thing to listen to twice on the way to work, I tells you.

Otherwise all is relatively right with my world. If you haven't seen The sweeney todd vid on youtube with "The mysterious ticking noise" do it. It's beautiful. Heh heh heh.  :-)

location: library mood: Old

To stop myself wasting my afternoon sitting around watching Helena Bonham Carter interviews on Youtube I ended up looking up "A Servant to two masters" thereon instead. And I so wish i hadn't. The only version they have any clips from is based on a hideous Americanisation of the script which I'd previously read but had not had the misfortune to see in action.

Shudders. Just shudders. There are things that work American and things that don't. Commedia del'arte falls into the latter category and more to the point there's a perfectly reasonable English translation out there. Ok, at the moment I feel like my Smeraldina is a horrible cross between Mrs Lovett and Donna Noble (and wouldn't that be fun boys and girls) but at least she's not telling anyone to "Chill out a little". It's just wrong.

So i'm going to clear my brain with some sensible going to workness and hope everyone has stopped Todding by the time i get home (you know the drill, sitting in your room brooding, resisting all attempts at Lovetting (that's it, I'm putting down my rolling pin and keeping the pies to myself)). I have a new play idea, i'm going to call it "A Lovett to two Todds". Shudders. just shudders.

However, the potential for filth in that title just jumped out at me and I'm quite liking it. Hah hah!

location: home (the chair is busted) mood: confused

So, I've just in the last few days started working a job where i basically get paid to paint things and drink tea. This makes me very very happy. Especially when they have so many very nice teas to choose from. It's not busy. it's not filthsome and the only uniform requirement is that I wear black. Damn, cause that one's difficult.

So other than that i'm trying not to be too happy about it because something might go horribly wrong I'm really rathe rhappy. And excessively tired as I've had about five hours sleep in the last 36 hours. Need bed. Night night. :-)

location: The chair mood: tired music: Richard O'brien "Fixation"

I apologise for this, please don't read if you couldn't gevie two hoots about shiny phone tech.

I have a new phone! Ok I don't actually have it yet but i will have it first thing tomorrow. The nice man at T-mobile has put it aside for me. It is small and black and shiny, the camera has 3.2 megapixels and the camcorder films for over an hour as compared to my last one which could only manage 15 seconds. The camera not only has almost all the features of my old ones it has at least five that my old one doesn't have. Also you can do exciting line and frame things with it to make pictures go all Dave McKean. Oh and it has about 100 times the memory of my old one with complete mp3 player, headphones and computer attachement thingie.  Better still it costs ten pounds a month less than my old one. The only downside being of course that to get a good enough phone for my picture taking joy i've had to get a contract again which i didn't want to do. But nevermind. Cause it's going to be soooo much fun playing with it! Heh heh heh.

meanwhile, yes, it is christmas. I did it properly on friday with Mr T and Mr J and it was also very shiny. My new copy of Arkham asylum will give me lovely nightmares for many months i am sure. No, I can't really be bothered with thursday.

Also, cause it'll piss Jack off: - God bless us, every one. :-)  

Some cunt, if you'll pardon my abuse of the phrase, has stolen my mobile phone. I know this because it was in my bag when i started work and not there at lunchtime. This coincides most curiously with the notice left on the staffroom door telling us valuables are left at our own risk.

I'm not actually that cross at not having a phone except now anyone who wants to call me will have to use my landline which sucks cause i sound stupid over the phone and prefer to text. It's the fact that some one has a, rifled through my bag and b, turned my phone off so has at least pressed two of it's buttons. More to the point i had numbers on there for people i'm not going to be able to contact at all now and photos that i'm never going to see again. Luckily most of my good "arty" like pictures i've already saved to computer but i've lost all my new ones from Holland, all the "Suckers" backstage shots, the me-as-Harley pictures and a naked one of Jack. It's the picture part that really really pisses me off, both not being able to take new ones when it's what i do and the idea that someone has access to all my old ones. 

And of course i have no money for a new phone. I liked that phone as a camera and liked having one that could play Doomsday when i got a text. I also liked being able to trust my workmates but probably it was foolish of me to do so anyway so nevermind that one. 

Excuse me if i throw a little tantrum. but I want my fucking phone back and i want it back now!!!!



 

location: home mood: angry

Just got back from Sleepy Hollow after two years of being away from it....

Let me explain my Dutch Home Place.....

Or is it belgian? You see, you get off the ferry at Dunkirk and drive through france until you get to belgium. So far so good. but about ten minutes away from where my family live in Baarle hertog/ Baarle Nassau you start to play Which country am I in? big time. Baarle you see is just inside the boarder between Belgium and Holland on the dutch side so to get there you have to swirl several times in and out of the dutch/ belgian boarder which is all to cock - apparently something to do with smuggling stories centuries back - not highwaymen on flying goats as the local legends have it.

To make things even more exciting Baarle itself is two towns in one place, Baarle nassau being a dutch town in holland and Baarle hertog being a Belgian town, still in Holland. This means that there are two of everything in one place and one bar where the boarder runs down the centre of the pool table. All the houses have flags outside to tell you what country they're in - ours is Belgian.

Honestly. All this is true. partly the strangeness, partly the forrests and the mist and partly ythe fact that there isn't a family in Baarle that is not connected to every other by blood or marriage has led to jack dubbing the place Sleepy Hollow. I can't say, after spending a couple of evenngs with oceans of my Van-Tassel kin that this is entirely undeserved.

But i also can't say I object. ;-)

location: parents mood: cheerful

Amy. Jo annoys the piss out of me and it drives me nuts that everyone seems to be a Jo fan. She's so cliche and goody goody. Amy was actually intetresting. And prettier. Also Kirsten Dunst ruled in the movie and I justw anted to bitch slap Winona Ryder. :-)

tags: little women, louisa may alcott, writer's block

Home has its perks, I'm getting the chance to print up a load of my phots (the ones that i think are half way good) so that i can try and compile something that might be half worth displaying. Eek.
Meanwhile "Every time - I'm thinking, when it's cold and there's nothing to eat - why do i do it? Then they call- and i remember".

See you all when I get home me dears. :-)

location: parents mood: apathetic

So now my parents, both of them, and my sister have both said that the one thing they wouldn't like me to do for a job is escorting. Don't they know that doesn't work? As soon as I'm not snotty and grim i'm getting my applications in.

Yes, really. Will explain when I feel better. :-) 

location: In the chair mood: pretty-pretty

Far too ill for a proper a entry today so here be a meme what i stole from silent_wrong_me 

( Read more... )

location: in the chair mood: sick

So, I've been meaning to write this for the last few days. but first i was on a "we just done a play" high and then i was on a "We don't have a play to do anymore" low.

Yes. It was good. Now half the cast have some sort of horrible lurgy but it was still good. Mr T's theory is that it was all the snogging going on backstage and onstage and that, obviously and connectedly, it was all my fault. So it makes perfect sense that i've got this lurgy after everybody else then doesn't it? Hmm. :-)

What was fun? backstage was fun. Playing truth or dare in a space you couldn't swing half a cat in with three people. I think it was probably realistic enough for Lovett's customer's to go on stage witha little red lipstick on their faces but not so sure about Miss Oakley. And incidentally, no miss Oakley i have not heard of a man by the name of Mark ingestrie though I've just realised that a good answer to that question could have been "No, maybe he went on board a ship somewhere and changed his name to Anthony Hope?" Or not.

Meanwhile, those lovely people at The Gregson are going to hate us, if not for the blood all over the walls (well corn syrup mix anyway) then for the spat out pie all over the stage. He actually managed to spit some out, freeze for two minutes and then spit more out. But then, I was swallowing gin the whole time too. I think the two most popular questions during Q & A time must have been "What was in the pies/ can i have a pie?" and "Can I have a go in the chair?" Incidentally, sitting in the chair at this time. it has become our computer chair. It is warm. "Can i rip your dress off too?" was also quite popular. Though i still maintain that the removable front would really have been there for Mr T's easy access.

I was going to include here the identity crisis I'm having at not being Eleanor any more but i think I'll save it. Needless to say, the after show party was fun despite the lack of alcohol which only meant we had to play Strip-I-Have-never instead. Woke up the mornign after with a hangover only to yell "Aaaargh - three paper plates!" and dive back under the covers.

These things do happen.

:-)

location: In the chair mood: accomplished

Wendy. She gets to fly and meet mermaids (not to mention Captain Hook who I always found disturbingly sexy) and then she gets to go home and go to bed.

If not then does "labyrinth" count? Cause I'd be sarah any day. The Goblin King spoiled me my whole life long for men in make-up. :-)

tags: children's books, writer's block